What to Do: Domestic Violence
What to do when you are a victim of domestic violence
Domestic violence/abuse can be an incident or pattern of behavior in any relationship used to gain or maintain power and control over someone else. If you believe you may be a victim of domestic violence, you can speak to a trusted source such as a helpline, friend, family member, counselor/therapist, and/or take legal action. Keep in mind that domestic abuse is never the victim’s fault. However, there are consequences to taking action against domestic violence. For example, speaking to someone may lead to mandatory reporting (depending on the person), and taking legal action may mean police involvement and court appearances. No one deserves abuse, so do not let these consequences stop you from seeking help.
Who can be a victim of domestic violence?
Anyone can be a victim of domestic violence regardless of age, race, gender/gender identity, sexual orientation, religious belief, or socioeconomic status. This includes, but is not limited to, spouses, romantic partners, and roommates. Students can also be victims of domestic violence on and off the college campus.
Myths and Misconceptions about domestic violence
❖ It is easy for a victim of domestic violence to leave their abuser.
➢ False. Fear, retaliation, lack of (safe) housing options, the shame of being stigmatized, untrustworthy authorities/reporting options, economic hardships, anxiety about being believed, and child custody issues may prevent a victim of domestic violence from leaving an abusive situation.
❖ Men cannot be victims of domestic violence.
➢ False. According to the CDC, 1 in 4 men reports having experienced severe physical violence by an intimate partner. 1 in 13 men has experienced sexual violence by an intimate partner.
■ Men are less likely to report instances of abuse because of stereotypes claiming that men cannot be victims and beliefs that men should not express their feelings.
❖ Victims are the cause of the abuse.
➢ False. Domestic violence is NEVER the victim’s fault. Abusers act deliberately to achieve a specific outcome and will do so regardless of the victim’s behavior.
Are you being abused?
❖ No one likes to think of themself as a victim. These questions may help you understand if you are experiencing domestic violence/dealing with an abusive partner:
➢ Are you isolated from your family/loved ones/support system?
➢ Does the person call you multiple times or show up unannounced to verify your whereabouts?
➢ Are guilt and coercion used to pressure you into sexual behaviors before you are ready?
➢ Does the person make you feel like there is no way out of the relationship or prevent you from doing things you want to do?
➢ Is the person harming you emotionally (putting down your worth or accomplishments), mentally (making you believe you cannot survive without them), or physically (hitting/shaking you, any physical force)?
❖ If you answered yes to any of the above questions, you might be dealing with an abusive partner or experiencing domestic abuse. The “Power and Control” wheel below can further assist you in determining if you are experiencing abuse.
If so, what do you do? Report!
❖ Report the abuse/incident right away! You can report an incident of abuse at 1. your county courthouse (family unit), 2. The county where you have fled to (for example, you live in Essex county and flee to Bergen county for safety), 3. Local police precinct.
➢ Where to file in Essex County:
■ Unit name: Family Division Non-Dissolution Unit
■ Address: Robert N. Wilentz Justice Complex - Family Courthouse, 212 Washington Street, Suite/Room 113 Newark, New Jersey 07102
■ Phone number: 973-776-9300 ext. 55520
➢ Information for other Counties: www.njcourts.gov/public/directories/court-services/family-offices-dir
❖ If you are not ready to report, please speak to someone. Resources are available for you!
➢ New Jersey-specific resources:
■ New Jersey Statewide Domestic Violence Hotline (same as the national hotline)- 1-800-572-7233. Available 24/7.
■ New Jersey Division on Women - 609-888-7164
➢ Essex County-specific resources:
■ Domestic Violence Shelter Hotline: 973-759-2154
■ More resources at Website: njcedv.org/programs/ (New Jersey Coalition to End Domestic Violence)
➢ National resources:
■ National Domestic Violence Videophone for Deaf survivors: call - 1-855-812-1001 or text - LOVEIS to 22522
■ National Domestic Violence Hotline - 1800-799-7233 or text START to 88788. Website: www.thehotline.org/
Relief for victims
❖ Get a restraining order. You may file for a restraining order, 1. Where you live, 2. Where you are temporarily living (if you fled), 3. Where the abuser lives, and 4. Where the abuse occurred.
IMPORTANT TIP: If you file for a restraining order in the county where you have fled, the abuser may be aware that you are temporarily residing in that county. This is because the county and court information will be on the restraining order. If this concerns you, you can file for a restraining order in the county where you reside permanently or where the abuser lives!
❖ In New Jersey, remedies associated with the enforcement of restraining orders are divided into two parts. Part one prohibits contact, and part two deals with financial and parenting issues. If a defendant (usually the abuser) violates part one of a restraining order, the plaintiff (usually the victim) can report the violation to the local police. The police will arrest and file criminal charges against the defendant. If a defendant violates part two of a restraining order, the plaintiff must file for relief in the court where the restraining order was issued.
➢ Are you seeking more information? Has a restraining order been filed against you? Helpful information here: www.njcourts.gov/self-help/domestic-violence
Requirements for filing a restraining order
You must have a qualifying relationship to file a restraining order. A qualifying relationship is any of the following: 1. Are or were married, 2. Living together or dating, 3. Have a child(ren) together or are currently pregnant with the abuser’s child.
Types of restraining orders
❖ A Temporary restraining order (TRO) - a TRO offers a victim short-term protection and stays in effect until a court hearing can be scheduled to determine if a FRO (final restraining order) should be granted. Hearing dates are usually scheduled 10 days after a TRO is issued. The abuser has a right to be present at the hearing. Police will serve the abuser with the TRO or Notice to Appear before the hearing date. If the abuser does not attend the hearing, the judge may either 1. Extend the TRO until the abuser can appear in court, or 2. Enter a FRO (final restraining order) if there is proof the abuser was served with the TRO or Notice to Appear.
➢ Requesting a TRO through the court or police: 1. If you complete the application for a TRO at the courthouse (the other party will not be present), the victim will go before a hearing officer or judge who will decide whether to grant the TRO. 2. If you complete the application for a TRO at the police station, the police will contact the judge to decide whether to grant a TRO.
❖ A Final restraining order (FRO) - A FRO is a permanent restraining order. A judge grants you a FRO after a court hearing. You are not required to have a lawyer present at the hearing but may do so by obtaining a lawyer on your own. The other party may do the same. Usually, the FRO can only end by appearing in front of the judge.
➢ Do you need to find a lawyer? Below are some resources that provide affordable or free legal assistance:
■ Rutgers Law Associates: 973-353-2564 (Newark), 856-225-6088 (Camden)
■ Legal Services of New Jersey: 732-572-9100, website: www.lsnj.org
● Essex County Office: 5 Commerce Street, 2nd Floor, Newark, NJ 07102. Phone: 973-624-4500. Website: www.lsnj.org/enls Email: enls@lsnj.org
